"You hear laughter breaking through, it makes you want to fart. You’re heading for a breakdown, better pull yourself apart. " - John Cooper Clarke

>That cupboard what I like.

>I mentioned my cupboards the other day and in particular one that I really like, although I shouldn’t. This cupboard has very little in it. The odd tin of something that expired about 5 or more years ago – things like that. Nothing tumbles out and attacks me, nothing starts growing in there, apart from, perhaps, within the tins, but I never find out as my daughters will throw out anything that is past it’s sell-by-date out. Even if it’s just a few hours.

So imagine my absolute and sheer horror when I looked in said cupboard earlier this evening and found the following packets. (Yes. Packets, sachets, whatever.)

1. AMOY Wok Express – Satay.
2. Some form of spice mix for Burritos.
3. 2 packets of vindaloo and cayenne seasoning mix.
4. 3 packets of raita seasoning mix.

It’s the last one that really gets me. Raita = cucumber and yoghurt for me. That’s all. No additional extras, it is supposed to accompany a hot curry and cool it down, or simply be a side-dish. Easy, cheap and lovely. People who know more about cooking than me may correct me, although it may be a risk to their life.

My entire ambition of trying to eat more healthily, involving more vegetables has gone to pot. A stir-fry from scratch which doesn’t take much longer than chucking in a bag of readily prepared ‘stir-fry veg’ is cheaper and tastier. A curry prepared from scratch is far, far better than all those bloody ready-made, chuck-in sauces. Yes, I’m angry. Yes, I am working longer hours than before. Yes I do work longer hours than the Twat.

And all I’m asking is for cheaper meals, tastier meals to suit my budget.

Christ, I needed that off my massive bosom.

Tomorrow is Friday. Time to clear out the garage – at last. Any dead bodies found in there are nothing to do with me.