"You hear laughter breaking through, it makes you want to fart. You’re heading for a breakdown, better pull yourself apart. " - John Cooper Clarke

>Help – Lost a tortoise!

>It’s a holiday for us today – Whit Monday, I think it’s called in English, and the good weather is still with us. I decided to come in after having lost Herman for about 5 minutes which seemed like a life-time. Tatiana broke away from her studying and joined me scuffling around the garden, terrified that we may accidentally squash him. I finally found the little shell speeding along the side of the house towards the front. If the Twat doesn’t make his run soon I am going to get very, very angry.

I mean it.

Other little bits of trivia:

We moved office last week. There’s the odd glitch here and there that needs to be taken care of, but at least the phones won’t be ringing for a while to come… Instead, I’ll be unpacking my boxes and about 1000 files. This time I aim to do it without buggering up my back – I was in agony last Thursday.

My new niece finally has a name as I think calling her ‘Baby Girl’ was a bit odd. That and there is some time limit on registering a newborn. She’s called Milly, short for Emily and to be honest, I think that my brother is mixing her up with one of his cats. I like the name though.

Exams start this week and so the girls are trying to schedule their driving test around them, noone is going on holiday apart from Todd along with his dad and step-mum.

Oh, and the Twat has found a leak in the pond. I’m not quite sure what to do.

Btw, does anyone have any tips for getting the back of my legs brown? I can’t read when lying on my stomach, standing gives me backache and my only solution so far has been to walk around the garden with my back to the sun.

I really feel stupid.


  1. Posted Monday, June 1, 2009 at 12:12 pm | Permalink

    Hmmm. Backs of legs are SO tricky. Perhaps you might ask the twat to book you a holiday in the sun where no reading, on sleep happens on your stomach. Or you might just lie on your stomach in the garden, 10 mins a side while you watch the twat build the turtle run. Save reading for the bath.

  2. Posted Monday, June 1, 2009 at 12:28 pm | Permalink

    Spray tan. Or failing that, a thin slick of emulsion paint……..

  3. Posted Monday, June 1, 2009 at 2:37 pm | Permalink

    tea bags! wet and rub

  4. z
    Posted Monday, June 1, 2009 at 3:40 pm | Permalink

    Lie on your back with your legs straight up in the air – possibly suspended in stirrups if you doubt you could retain the pose.

  5. Posted Monday, June 1, 2009 at 3:43 pm | Permalink

    You are!

  6. Posted Monday, June 1, 2009 at 5:07 pm | Permalink

    You’ll just have to lie and not read for a bit, no getting around it. Can’t just paint the backs.

  7. Posted Monday, June 1, 2009 at 6:23 pm | Permalink

    Walk around facing the sun so you don’t look stupid but holding a mirror behind you.

  8. Posted Monday, June 1, 2009 at 7:32 pm | Permalink

    There is no alternative to feeling stupid ….. I suppose you could kneel in prayer …… but then you might get struck by lightening …..

  9. Posted Monday, June 1, 2009 at 10:32 pm | Permalink

    Or be different and not tan at all. Nothing wrong with being “pale & interesting” and you don’t end up with skin that resembles a handbag! 🙂
    Next best thing would be the spray tan stuff…