"You hear laughter breaking through, it makes you want to fart. You’re heading for a breakdown, better pull yourself apart. " - John Cooper Clarke

>Todd N° 5,378 (and still going.)

>Todd finally came home on Friday, something that I was really looking forward to and had many plans lined up to do with him as his sisters are at their dad’s this week. I think my enthusiasm was probably my biggest mistake.

I had asked my Ex to tell Todd to be home by 7pm as that’s when we were going have supper, something I thought to be a good idea as it is consistent with when he has supper at his dad’s. Todd came home slightly earlier and so I tried to get him involved in the kitchen by wiping the table and laying it while talking about how his exams went. Todd didn’t have much to say about them so I asked how his MRI went and he didn’t have much to say about that either. He was, however, really excited, saying “finally, I’m on holiday.”

The trouble is, this isn’t true.

The Ex has found a new school for Todd that is so far away that he will be boarding, an idea that I have trouble getting used to seeing as I had such a rotten experience. But then, my 3 younger brothers enjoyed boarding school, I have friends who loved it – though none of them went to the same one as me – and it will probably be a good thing for Todd.

I haven’t seen the school yet, nor the boarding facilities as the Ex didn’t think of asking me when they visited, but from what he says, Todd will like it and the students have to ‘earn’ their privileges. Seeing as neither my Ex nor I can get through to Todd it appears that discipline, which I understand to be pretty strict, coming from a third party may work. It hurts to think that I’ll only get to see Todd every fortnight for 2 days only, but it looks as though this is the best solution for all.

The other plus is that the school is aimed at pupils who want to practice arts and so guitars and whatever are very welcome.

And this is why Todd isn’t really on holiday yet. He has to pass an entrance exam this Thursday to get into the school which involves a dance routine and Todd has to recite a couple of ‘things’ – nobody has really told me what. Last Friday, Todd’s cousin chose two articles for Todd to learn but since then he has done absolutely nothing. This exam is very important because if the boy fails then we are well and truly stuffed. Todd has managed to drive his father and PHT over the edge and so I am keeping Todd here for 2 weeks until he goes on holiday with them.

So going back to Friday evening, Todd told us that of course he was on holiday and was going out that night, the following night and Sunday night. We tried to reason with him telling him that he doesn’t dictate to us, and that if he wanted to go out he had to be back by 11.30pm, and that was only after he cleaned his room. After being insulted worse than ever before – I swear, Todd should give lessons, he went upstairs and I saw him folding some clothes. Happy that he was doing something, I went downstairs to watch TV.

At 8.15pm Q went upstairs only to come down and ask where Todd was. As the front door hadn’t slammed there was only one way out – via Coralie’s bedroom window/door. Quarsan went out to look along the road while I went into Coralie’s room where sure enough, the window/door was left open. Todd, who has sciatica – ho hum, had jumped out and scarpered. Quarsan found a hold-all bag outside, in front of Todd’s window containing the clothes that he was folding earlier. We tried calling him but he wouldn’t reply, obviously.

He came back the following day only to run out again while he was pretending to study in the front room. Quarsan found him waiting for a bus to take him into the centre of town and after a bit of a run, got him and brought him home. I suggested that Todd cleared his head a bit by mowing the lawn and he happily agreed to do it – except as soon as I went around the back – he ran off again.

He stayed out again during the night and turned up at my sister-in-law’s (well, a very EX sister-in-law) to study for the exam as previously arranged between my SIL and Todd. He stayed there all day and when I called to ask if Todd could be home for 7pm I was told that she was driving Todd to her mother’s where Todd would be staying for a few days until …. I don’t know, my SIL didn’t say, nor consult with either my Ex or me about this arrangement.

To cut a long story short, Todd has got his own way and will be staying with his mamy, although he won’t be allowed out tonight. Obviously, I am furious about all of this as is the Ex because neither of us were contacted about this decision, my SIL took it upon herself to decide what is best for our son without even considering our rights as a parents. My Ex is as angry as I am and all we can hope for is that Todd passes the entrance exam on Thursday.

To console myself I’m going to watch one of the porn DVDs that I found in Todd’s bedroom and I may post a review of it later on.

Reviewing your son’s porn collection is a vital sign of being a good mother.

Everybody Knows This.