"You hear laughter breaking through, it makes you want to fart. You’re heading for a breakdown, better pull yourself apart. " - John Cooper Clarke

>Herman’s run.

>Last week I went to buy some Busy Lizzies, or something, and stupidly asked the Twat to grab three while I searched for some industrial-strength weed killer. The greenhouses were huge so by the time that I met up with the Twat, a bag of turf and 3 different coloured Busy Lizzies I was in no mood to take them back and change them for 3 little pots of the same coloured plants. I doubt they will last till next year anyway, so Herman would have to make do.

The Twat planted them the other day as this wonderful rain that we have been having has stopped for a bit, leaving the ground in Herman’s run easy to dig into. Hermie appears to have loved this wet weather as the grass and weeds have sprouted up incredibly giving the mighty tortoise the impression that he could, possibly, be in a jungle. The fact that he can hide much more easily now has made me start watching him from my bedroom window with the help of my pair of binoculars, much to the amusement of the Twat.

Personally, I feel quite sad for Herman who must think he’s on acid as he moves under red coloured petals, through the bright green grass towards the fading purple lavender with several very brown sticks poking upwards and on towards some pinky-purple petals, followed by some light-pink petals and finally, his destination: his roof tile.

I gave him some water melon today as I have found out that he doesn’t like other melons, which he gobbled down. While feeding him I realised that he was soaking wet – probably because of the ground under the tile still being sodden, so have removed it for a bit. In retaliation, Herman went straight back to where he was before and went to sleep, tile or no tile. My tortoise has quite an attitude.

Dammit, I just checked to see Herman and I appear to have put the tile against his run and can no longer see him.

Off to move it because even binoculars can’t see through THAT.


  1. Posted Wednesday, July 15, 2009 at 11:07 am | Permalink

    Did you wipe him dry, dear Zoe?
    Are you going to buy him an umbrella? Raincoat? Boots?
    Green is a good colour for tortoise clothing. But if you want to keep stalking him, you might want to dress him in red.

  2. Posted Wednesday, July 15, 2009 at 1:58 pm | Permalink

    It’s no good. if you’re that worried about him you’d better move him indoors.

  3. Posted Wednesday, July 15, 2009 at 2:36 pm | Permalink

    How about a live video feed? Then you could watch him sleeping on your mobile phone. Should crank up his paranoia levels too….

  4. Posted Wednesday, July 15, 2009 at 4:20 pm | Permalink

    Bloody tortoise and his attitude. I was giving him some tomato and he promptly turned around and peed all over the rest of the water melon and tomato. His manners are somewhat lacking.

  5. Burton
    Posted Wednesday, July 15, 2009 at 6:41 pm | Permalink

    Helpful site for information and care of Herman

  6. Posted Wednesday, July 15, 2009 at 8:03 pm | Permalink

    Such a worry being a parent ….. so I’m told ……

  7. Posted Wednesday, July 15, 2009 at 8:36 pm | Permalink

    Burton, cheers. I’m almost positive that Herman is a bloke.
    He has a shed, after all – even if I do have to shove him in it each night.

  8. Posted Thursday, July 16, 2009 at 12:01 am | Permalink

    I deplore snobbery normally but I have to admit I find busy lizzies naff.

  9. John Norris
    Posted Thursday, July 16, 2009 at 12:58 am | Permalink

    “Helpful site for information and care of Herman”
    Which kind is he/she, then?
    John Norris

  10. Posted Thursday, July 16, 2009 at 6:23 am | Permalink

    Herman is a Herman. A Testudo hermanni boettgeri, to be precise.