"You hear laughter breaking through, it makes you want to fart. You’re heading for a breakdown, better pull yourself apart. " - John Cooper Clarke

>Oh great, it’s just another bill.

>If I wrote and sent letters, I may, one day, receive a letter in return. If I wrote and sent cards, I may, one day, receive a card in return. If I wrote and sent emails, I may, one day, receive an email in return.

But I don’t.

Some people are kind enough to send me emails, truth be told, but as I am so bad at replying promptly it’s a wonder that I get any at all. I haven’t been commenting, Tweeting – nothing much at all. Going out is scary so I prefer to stay in with a book. I aim to start doing ‘things’ with my daughters during the holidays, like cycling, walking, going to Antwerp and even the sea, but the Twat says that none of this is really normal and that I am hiding away from my friends.

He said that I should start seeing friends again but if I’m honest, I really don’t want to. Not because I don’t like them but probably because I’m spiralling down into another funk and this is making me feel extremely selfish. I have a job for the time-being, my children are around, Todd is behaving, the Twat hasn’t up and left me and yet there are certain things that I’m almost frightened to be asked about amongst company. There are days when I’d like to join Herman under his roof tile in his run and lie there totally immobile with my thoughts.

So I’m sorry for not having commented on your blogs or answered your emails – I will. I just need to get something out of the way first, and it’s not going to be easy.

In the meantime I do receive post in the form of bills, oh yay. I added the fourth to the pile today – my property tax bill for which they haven’t billed me for 3 years. I called them up this afternoon and they said that I shouldn’t worry, the bills for 2008 and 2009 are on their way.

No wonder I don’t write letters – after I’ve paid all these bills I won’t be able to pay for the damn stamp.

But hey, at least I’ll be up-to-date, which is more than can be said about my clothes.

Share

11 Comments