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My beloved, whom I love deeply has taken to staring out of the bedroom window through binoculars. This is how she monitors Herman’s pen. It’s far too like a guard in a watchtower for comfort, but there you go.

Anyway, she was thinking about Herman

Z: We should find out what sex Herman is and get him another tortoise.

TT: (silence)

Z: Cos he’ll get lonely, it’s not very sociable to be on his own

TT: Well, in the wild, tortoises hunt in packs

Z: Do they really?

T: (stares blankly)