"You hear laughter breaking through, it makes you want to fart. You’re heading for a breakdown, better pull yourself apart. " - John Cooper Clarke


>This post is to be taken extremely seriously should you be in Brussels today.


Whether you are a pedestrian, cyclist, user of buses or trams or even worse still, a driver, STAY OFF THE ROADS this afternoon. There is a new form of terrorist hit about to attack Brussels that comes under the old guise of, and feel the fear with me, Driving Tests. Yes, people, there are some people who have yet to pass this form of examination, including Yours Truly.


I am bringing this bit of Public Information into the Public Domain not because I shall be venturing onto the streets of Brussels, but my daughters will. And behind the steering wheel of a car, their feet on the accelerators. Thank me for this warning as I sit here, strapped up so tightly that I can barely breathe although there appears to be a strong gush of air whipping around my legs. Even in pain I like to think about others so that one day, when they have been run over by one of my daughters, they may just think of me along the lines of “If only I had listened.”

Yesterday, I spoke to Coralie.

“So, are you ready for your driving test?”
“Ohhh mama, even our driving teacher says that we are going to fail.”
“So why take the test?”


I later spoke with Tatiana.

“So, are you ready for your driving test?”
“I don’t know.”
“Coralie said that your teacher reckons that you’ll both fail.”
“Oh, but he told me that I drive really well. I just don’t pay enough attention to the road signs.”
“……….Gulp……. They’re quite important, Tatiana.”
“I know. I’ll tell you how it goes.”
“Good luck to you both!”

I know that Belgian drivers can be pretty dire at times although I find the French to be worse, but it’s not really a good start to your life as a driver if you don’t, like most other experienced Belgian drivers, even pay attention to the road signs.

I’ve had a thought: I wonder if they will recognise traffic lights?

I’ll keep you updated.