"You hear laughter breaking through, it makes you want to fart. You’re heading for a breakdown, better pull yourself apart. " - John Cooper Clarke

>I think I must be edible.

>That Rabbit is still with us, occasionally fed by Coralie and whose cage is only changed when I realise that the poor animal is living in more rabbit poo than wood shavings. When That Rabbit was delivered here I was told that ‘Pan-pan’ was totally house-trained.

“Yes, mama, you know, the rabbit in Bambi.”
“No – I’ve still not seen Bambi. Don’t they all die? The prospects are good for That Rabbit spending a few weeks here then.”
“No, mama, only Bambi. You know, Pan-pan, because he always taps his foot.”
“That would be Thumper in English,”
intervened the Twat knowingly. I gave him a strange look. His wisdom knows no bounds.
“So how long is Thumper here, Coralie?”
“Oh you know, till the end of the summer.”
“The end of July?”
“No, mama, August – but don’t worry, I’ll feed Pan-pan and clean out his cage.”

Famous last words.

Thumper, as I have taken to calling That Rabbit, likes to run around the living room and as warned, does like to eat paper. He has also taken to nibbling the wires behind the TV so I have to keep an eye on him. But he is still alive.

Hermie has had a good week, enjoying the sun and hot weather. Yesterday was a bit of a stinker though and the Twat tried to get him to go into his shed where it was dry but Hermie just sat in his welly near the entrance of his shed looking outside before coming out again to hide in the dead lavender.

Herman’s bath is now lined with grit after I saw him fall into it after quite a bit of rain, his head under water and his arms and legs flailing about as his pathetic attempt at backstroke got him nowhere but had me rushing to save him. The girls still have the little stones that lined their fish tank and Coralie gave me a bag so that Hermie can now get in and out of his bath easily, much to my relief. On Saturday, I put Hermie in his bath but he appears to be rather nervous of it now and wanted to get out straight away. I stroked the edges of the bath to try and show the tortoise that I was there for him and he started nipping my fingers. I grabbed some lettuce and fed him by hand which kept Hermie in the bath.

It’s a bit like giving a child bath toys so that they don’t get bored.

I’ve just had Thumper running around the living room and when he was back in his cage, went to stroke him. The bloody animal bit me.

Neither animals are carnivores but they do like my fingers.