Well, this snow goes back to last December, but even so, isn’t it just oh, so jaw-droppingly romantic? The Twat didn’t pee out the words but instead, spent ages shuffling out the words to make a wonderful sign in the road, for perhaps four neighbours to see. The heart had been done earlier by Tatiana, but to think that the Twat had even thought of adding the extra words felt rather sweet. And loving. Especially coming from a poncy-poofy-tracky-trainer-wearing man.
As I sit here, smelling like a Fruit Opal, according to some person called Johng who deserves nothing but insults from my darling possums here, I am wondering as to what the expensive gift that he was ordered to buy for me yesterday is.
That’s correct: the Twat needs ordering about so as to get what I want. Bugger his shed – there is simply no space in my garden.
I did, however, ask him if he had bought croissants and orange juice for breakfast.
“Why?”
“Because that is the sort of romantic thing couples do together. You know, breakfast together.”
“No, I didn’t buy them.”
“Oh. Why not?”
“Because it wasn’t on the shopping list.”
It feels silly to think that even after 8 years the man has still not learnt anything about romance, even though he has sent me a rose on two occasions, before he moved in. But still, after a rocky year that we managed to get over, I do look forward to a surprise. However little.
[And NO, not that sort of 'little' surprise. Jesus.]
If the gift is not up to my expectations, then the Annual Shag is OFF.
7 Comments
Misery guts!
Fuck you, John, you may now refer to me as Opal Fruit. Really, have you no taste?
Pffffft.
So? Did the earth move then?
Really, we are such a shallow species. Zoe, news on train incident. I came here first to see if you’ve posted today. I know, I know, it’s only like a 20 in several million chance, but, you know.
Well at least he gave up his Quacker Meeting for you.
Do they all stand round and make Donald Duck noises?
How’d it go then?????
OH, so sorry about him being a twat and all. But per your last post, there are cucumbers.