I’ve been suffering from Crapitis for the past week, more commonly known as gastric ‘flu and lesser known as butt ‘flu. It’s a refreshing thought to know that my toilets function, that I have vast quantities of loo paper and smelly things that I put in the loo at quite some expense, considering the amount of times that I have to flush either loo each time. And each time I do flush, I get a horrible shiver with regards my yearly water bill.
And then this stupid cough started. It’s a very dry cough which means that whenever my head hits the pillow my body decides to cough and cough and cough me to sleep, until I wake up in the early hours of the morning coughing and listening to my stomach swirling like a mini-tsunami. By the time it’s a decent hour to get out of bed I have not only a sore throat, but ear-ache aswell, and more often than not, a very sore tummy that is telling me to run, Forestt, run! just as I had earlier in the morning.
Yesterday was my court case. I was so nervous the entire day that I fell asleep in front of Jeremy Kyle as he went around collecting those all important DNA tests. The only thing that that man and I have in common is that were I to support an English football team, it would be … West Ham United. Kyle’s own favourite team. That is a scary thought.
I’ll find out what the judge rules re: my court case next month, but my lawyers will be de-briefing me between now and then.
The Twat came home from work saying that he thinks that he’s coming down with something and has had to try to avoid his colleagues all day due to constant farting. I would have thought that they would be used to it by now, but apparently it is farting of a different kind. More along butt ‘flu farts.
Oh dear.
I meant to apply for a job today but I was so dozy that putting together a cover letter and taking chunks out of my CV to set it to one page, as requested deemed un-doable, unless I changed the font to 8, or something. Hopefully, I shall be feeling better tomorrow and will send my application off and get an interview unless I die before now and then.
So February, could you be a wee bit nicer than January?
17 Comments
Lets face girl, you’re coming apart at the seams. You’re a wreck!
You do seem to have everything at once. Get well soon.
Yes small font, margins as narrow as possible – you can do it.
Put a humidifier in the bedroom to help with that cough, call Tatiana to make periodic deliveries of loo rolls and chicken soup, and feel better soon!
Mrs.B shares your pain and ailments
And it’s hard to keep the window open when it’s that cold and snowing or raining the whole time.
See, you were full of shit! *hugs*
I was sick with a cold ALL of January. February has GOT to be better. Even if the wind chill stays at -22 C the whole month, it will be better if only I can not feel like I am drowning in my own mucus.
TMI. Soz.
I notice the Twat came home not feeling well. I know this is going to sound selfish, because it is, but whenever I am ill my wife hijacks the illness by being ill herself. Out of the two of us I can still manage to at least half function and look after the kids when I’m ill; however, my wife needs rushing to the nearest intensive care faciltiy as soon as she gets the slightest cold
Be well soon, Zoe.
My brother told me that there’s a flu like this in England but I used to think he was stretching the truth. It sounds awful, ow, I feel sorry for you. Hope you feel better soon.
I hope you improve soon. Could you have some kind of intestinal parasite, like giardia? The farting made me think of that.
But do stop shitting incessantly soon, and feel better.
Zandt, what sort of parasite? I’d become ‘dry(ish)’ the past 2 days but god almighty, if this carries on like today I’ll definitely be seeing a doctor.
At least I’m sleeping through the nights (well, the past 2) thanks to some cough syrup that the Twat got me.
I spent today going through bank statements – this court case has really taken it’s toll:(
Eck. There is a nasty Norwalk virus rampaging around these parts, resulting in lots of GI and vomity distress. I’ll spare you the rest of the details. Do get better soon.
I guess I missed the court case business… I’ll try to catch up.
good luck with all of it
I too put smelly things in the loo – but it doesn’t cost me anything. Get weller soon.
Oh dear, it does sound like ‘flu. Hope you get over it soon. Good luck with the court case.
hiya!!! hav been away for a long time. nice to be back here. though its bit smelly out here.
do get well soon. for the cough i hav seen that a warm water bottle / electric heating pad on the back works wonders. it loosens the cough and kind of melts it too.
check ur food intake. there needs to be a proper intake of acid and base and salt in food.
try coughing each time u feel like goin to loo.. maybe it may pull back the poo.
HUGGS!!!!
I’m sure whatever you have is intensified by angst about the court case. I hope it all turns out fine and you are better soon.xox