"You hear laughter breaking through, it makes you want to fart. You’re heading for a breakdown, better pull yourself apart. " - John Cooper Clarke

Bloody ants.

The best thing I did this weekend was go shopping with Tatiana who had kindly offered to prepare a barbecue before the World Cup final. The poor girl could hardly get me out of the freezer section where I was feeling very comfortable gazing at pizzas as I leant against the frozen peas section. It has been so hot lately that places such as the frozen food section of supermarkets and my cellar are my favourite haunts, although the temperature is supposed to drop by 10° today.

When we got home I found that the ants had found their way in again and there were thousands of the bloody things crawling around my French windows. This time they were mainly storm ants, many of whom had formed small clusters on the actual windows. I wasn’t quite sure how to tackle them exactly until Tatiana suggested getting the vacuum cleaner which seemed the only sensible option as they were crawling all around the entire French windows and it was impossible to see where the ants were actually coming in.

So while Tatiana cooked supper for us, I was vacuuming up ants. Storm ants – the ones with wings on. And just as their name suggests, we had a light storm during the Germany – Uruguay game which mucked the satellite around a bit and we had to watch the match in French. Excellent game, dire commentary.

The storm cooled things down for a bit but Sunday was another scorcher. Nevertheless, Tatiana wanted to go ahead with her barbecue, so I prepared a salad – again, as it’s all I really want to eat in this weather and we ate outside before going in to watch the World Cup final.

Great food, dire commentary, abysmal game.

“Mama, watching the corn pop in the microwave has been the most exciting thing to happen so far.”

I couldn’t have put it better.