"You hear laughter breaking through, it makes you want to fart. You’re heading for a breakdown, better pull yourself apart. " - John Cooper Clarke

Todd N°. 5,380 (and still going).

I dropped by the house yesterday as I haven’t been around much and the children are chez Papa. After checking on Hermie, changing his water and giving him something to eat I went upstairs to get something from my bedroom.

Hello? Why is Todd’s duvet and pillows on my bed?

Hello? Why is my king-size duvet and pillows on Todd’s two beds?

Hello? Why are there a couple of ‘things’ from my Box of Tricks that I keep hidden under my bed, in Todd’s room?

I stripped off all the sheets and shall be washing them at an extremely high wash and will be disinfecting my Toys for the next week; god only knows what Todd has done with them. This comes as a bit of a shock as I would never have thought that Todd would use my bed linen, let alone anything else.

There again, he did come flying downstairs last week wearing nothing but a very, very small towel while his girlfriend was upstairs, begging for a condom. Fortunately, a friend had a condom that was just within the sell-by-date in his wallet and the evening was obviously saved. For Todd.

I picked up the empty beer bottles that were strewn around the lawn, threw them out and left, wondering how to tackle Todd about using my house as a hotel. But I think I have other issues to think about now as I have just found out something else about Todd.

He has a Mohican hair-cut.


  1. Posted Thursday, July 1, 2010 at 8:08 pm | Permalink

    Mohican? ….. that is sooooo passé …..

  2. Posted Thursday, July 1, 2010 at 8:10 pm | Permalink

    Do condoms have a ‘best before date’? ……. I mean a ‘best before’ – pause – date ……..

  3. Posted Thursday, July 1, 2010 at 8:49 pm | Permalink


  4. Posted Friday, July 2, 2010 at 1:13 am | Permalink


    Tell Todd to get a room!

    I love mixed metaphors!

  5. Anonymous, too
    Posted Friday, July 2, 2010 at 2:47 am | Permalink

    There are so many things in this post that made my eyes cross, that I’m now certain I can see out the back of my head.

    You need to spend more time at home — with a camera at hand.

    Are you sure it’s a Mohican (above the face) and not a landing strip (below the waist)?

  6. Posted Friday, July 2, 2010 at 7:27 am | Permalink

    Anon, too – I had so wished that I had caught Todd in bed with his girlfriend. I am the sort of mother who would have grabbed back my duvet exposing 2 naked bodies which is a sure way never to have Todd’s girlfriends at my house – even when I’m supposedly ‘away’.

  7. Janetyjanet
    Posted Friday, July 2, 2010 at 1:43 pm | Permalink

    yikes – and with all the other detail provided am wondering why the one question my brain came up with was whether the mohican was a proper full on punk pointy one, or a more pretend little Glee type one???

  8. Posted Saturday, July 3, 2010 at 6:41 am | Permalink

    Awww he’s growing up

  9. Posted Saturday, July 3, 2010 at 8:11 am | Permalink

    I knodded at everything there (though I haven’t been asked for a condom – yet) But the mohican hair cut, that’s a new one for me.

  10. Posted Sunday, July 4, 2010 at 8:11 pm | Permalink

    Never mind disinfecting them, I’d be sorely tempted to throw them away. Or perhaps save them for Christmas and put them in a nice box with a big red bow on for the two of them.

  11. Posted Monday, July 5, 2010 at 6:55 pm | Permalink

    Should pay more attention. Where have you been?