"You hear laughter breaking through, it makes you want to fart. You’re heading for a breakdown, better pull yourself apart. " - John Cooper Clarke

Todd, N° god knows what.

Last Saturday Todd decided to make an appearance. He sat next to me and chatted a bit and then said:

“Look, mum.”

Todd lifted up his tshirt to show off his third piercing: a nipple piercing.

I grabbed my boobs in case they started hurting and stared at the barbell through my son’s nipple.

“Did that hurt?”
“Ouch, yes – it felt like a dart going through my nipple.”

I clutched my massive bosom even closer to me.

“And now that you’ve been paid for your postman rounds, I suppose that you’ll be saving for the other nipple to be done?”
“Oh no, Mama – that hurt so much that I’ll never have it done again.”

Famous last words.

Feeling some relief, especially when Todd dropped his tshirt down, I felt comfortable and let go of my massive bosom, leaving it to flop on the floor.

But then the final straw came.

“Papa has told me that I need to see a psychologist.”
“What for this time, Todd?”
“He thinks I’m a masochist and should see someone.”

Oh dear. My Ex obviously lives in the 20th century – piercings are a ‘fashion statement’.

Just wait until the boy starts getting tattoos.


  1. Posted Tuesday, September 14, 2010 at 10:53 am | Permalink

    He does need to see a psychologist. Anyone with a mother who writes about her son and is obsessed with her own massive bosom (POIDH), is bound to be beset by massive issues. I feel for the boy.

  2. Charles
    Posted Tuesday, September 14, 2010 at 11:40 am | Permalink

    What no picture? We need a picture.
    Either the piercing, or the massive bosom, will do…
    Haven’t commented for a long time, but I do have the book.

  3. Anonymous, too
    Posted Tuesday, September 14, 2010 at 1:01 pm | Permalink

    At least it wasn’t another hole in Todd’s head!

    And I didn’t know the massive bosom was detachable so you could set it down on the floor. Is this a new kind of massive bosom?

  4. Posted Tuesday, September 14, 2010 at 4:49 pm | Permalink

    “Oh no, Mama – that hurt so much that I’ll never have it done again.”

    Didn’t we say that every time we gave birth?

    Some psychologists think that it’s an ‘acceptable’ form of self harming – that’s where the ex his coming from I expect.

  5. Posted Wednesday, September 15, 2010 at 3:35 pm | Permalink

    He may indeed need to see a psychologist, but nipple piercings are the least of his issues, I suspect. Perhaps he should have persuaded his dad to go get pierced together? I mean, the whole father/son bonding idea….

  6. Posted Wednesday, September 15, 2010 at 9:44 pm | Permalink

    Ha Ha – Just the sort of thing my ex would say! Get into the next century! Lx

  7. Posted Thursday, September 16, 2010 at 8:53 pm | Permalink

    I am TERRIFIED of needles so I’ve always thought that anyone who pierces him / herself with needles for fashion HAS to love pain

  8. Posted Wednesday, September 22, 2010 at 10:55 am | Permalink

    Hi there I’m a new Single mom and I know it will be hard for me a long the way so I am browsing the web for some good blogs and I find your blog very interesting and helpful to be a good mother. Bookmarking your blog now. Thanks

  9. Posted Thursday, September 23, 2010 at 12:08 am | Permalink

    Hi Dane, there are many that would say that I’m a really bad mother – but hey, who has the manual?

    Good luck with your children 🙂

  10. Posted Sunday, September 26, 2010 at 3:41 pm | Permalink

    Don’t give up….knock on 10 doors and 3 open up…isn’t that what they say? Keep plugging away at it! I found your blog on Go Overseas as another expat blog in Belgium (along with mine and some others). Thanks for sharing!