"You hear laughter breaking through, it makes you want to fart. You’re heading for a breakdown, better pull yourself apart. " - John Cooper Clarke

Oh Todd.

Last week he claimed that he couldn’t return to his boarding school on the Sunday evening as there was to be a train strike the following day.


His father drives him down to Wavre every Sunday so what’s that got to do with a train strike?

The bleeding obvious: the boy didn’t want to go to school. Seeing as he isn’t doing too well in a couple of subjects, it was the ideal chance to be with those teachers as the kids who do not board at the school won’t be there hence more attention paid to one slacker.

However, it turned out that he was sick all Monday and returned by bus that evening looking like shit. I gave him some soup and a painkiller for his head and sent him straight to bed. Todd looked pretty awful in the morning too, so I told him to rest so that he could return on the Wednesday morning.

This turned out to make me look the fool as Todd hugged and thanked me for looking after him the night before on the Tuesday morning when he eventually got up. I told him that I had to look for a job on the World Wide Web to which he wished me luck. Except that as soon as I sat down in my study did I hear the door slam – Todd had left the building, and boy, can that rascal run.

He eventually returned in the early evening, around 7pm, only to tell me that he had been to the post office for future jobs and also to a friend’s house to re-charge his expensive GSM.

That boy was definitely sick, but not in the right places.

Todd asked me to set my GSM to go off at 5.15am the next morning so that he’d arrive at school on time. My GSM went off an hour late – still giving Todd plenty of time to get to Wavre and to arrive at school on time. His GSM appears not to have an alarm clock, despite the price Todd paid for it, and so he left in a hurry spurting out abuse about everything to anything, including not having written a note for his school – which I did ask him the night before should he need one.

Will anybody take him off my hands – please.


  1. Posted Tuesday, October 26, 2010 at 8:31 pm | Permalink

    That brings back bad memories for me. All I can say is he will settle down … eventually.

  2. Anonymous, too
    Posted Wednesday, October 27, 2010 at 2:37 am | Permalink

    What is he doing on your hands? Wait — don’t answer that. I don’t think we really want to know, but try a good antibacterial mechanics’ hand scrub to remove it.

    Still, you got a thank you and a hug this time. Much better than him throwing stuff and breaking it, right?

  3. Posted Wednesday, October 27, 2010 at 9:43 pm | Permalink

    I don’t think Guyana is the right place for him either, but then, we can send him to where the piranhas are, if you like 🙂

  4. Posted Wednesday, October 27, 2010 at 10:01 pm | Permalink

    That boarding school doesn’t have locks on the doors? I thought they were taking him off your hands

  5. Posted Thursday, October 28, 2010 at 4:58 am | Permalink

    You can send him down my way. I already have a couple like him. Just buy him a one way ticket, let him find his own way home.

  6. Posted Thursday, October 28, 2010 at 9:06 am | Permalink

    A GSM without an alarm clock? Are you sure it’s a GSM and not an iPod? 🙂

  7. Kenny
    Posted Thursday, October 28, 2010 at 12:28 pm | Permalink

    Send him over here. Two weeks in Wigwam and he’ll wake up. 🙂

  8. Posted Thursday, October 28, 2010 at 6:14 pm | Permalink

    How much?

  9. tricia
    Posted Saturday, October 30, 2010 at 9:30 am | Permalink

    I would suggest moving to a new flat asap and not telling him your new address.

  10. Posted Saturday, October 30, 2010 at 2:28 pm | Permalink

    As well as being miserable you are obviously mentally ill. You shouldn’t have any more children and should give the one you have up for adoption.

  11. Posted Saturday, October 30, 2010 at 3:44 pm | Permalink

    Bloody hell, the Pope has visited with his sanctimonious ways. Fuck off.

  12. Posted Sunday, November 7, 2010 at 9:56 pm | Permalink

    Maybe time to change this blog to mysonisatwat.com ? 🙂