"You hear laughter breaking through, it makes you want to fart. You’re heading for a breakdown, better pull yourself apart. " - John Cooper Clarke

Time for hibernation.

With the job-front looking bleak and the cold weather coming in for real this time – I mean, it’s going to rain tomorrow, and I’ve still not cut the grass, I’m tempted to stay in bed all day. It is so difficult to get up in the mornings when I can see that it is grey outside and that obviously means that it’s cold too, that I’m very tempted to hibernate. For real, this time.

It’s been over a year since I have been out of work and I hate not having a routine. Before, it was get up, shower, get dressed, get the tram, work, come home – and I miss that terribly. Nowadays, it’s more of a routine of wake up, decide whether or not I want to get up, read, drink tea, watch TV, drink tea, eat a bit and then go to bed. I used to have a reason for getting up, going out and ending my day in front of the TV – but now I don’t. I feel lethargic and a total failure when day after day I cannot find a job.

The job centre in the middle-of-bloody-nowhere is going to call me in very soon to offer me jobs – which will all be Flemish-speaking – and perhaps offer some training in IT and possibly to better my ever-dying French. Well, maybe. But usually that’s done once you have secured a job, which at this rate is a bit of long shot.

I no longer go out, which is for the better as my budget is tighter than ever, and feel terribly despondent. I try to avoid my father on Skype as his first words are always “have you got a job?” and am grateful for the books that I have, although I seem to be reading them rather too quickly, and coming from a slow reader says something.

Coralie is looking to move out early next year which will leave me alone for four months while Tatiana is in Madrid doing her stage and Todd spends every other weekend here. I really should be clearing out the house and down-sizing whilst looking for a ground-floor apartment – if possible – around here as I have to move sometime next year. Todd is as upset about this as I am as it is the only home that he has known. This house is the only place that I have ever called home seeing as I have been living here for over seventeen years.

So that’s what I should be doing.

Clearing out.