"You hear laughter breaking through, it makes you want to fart. You’re heading for a breakdown, better pull yourself apart. " - John Cooper Clarke

Time for hibernation.

With the job-front looking bleak and the cold weather coming in for real this time – I mean, it’s going to rain tomorrow, and I’ve still not cut the grass, I’m tempted to stay in bed all day. It is so difficult to get up in the mornings when I can see that it is grey outside and that obviously means that it’s cold too, that I’m very tempted to hibernate. For real, this time.

It’s been over a year since I have been out of work and I hate not having a routine. Before, it was get up, shower, get dressed, get the tram, work, come home – and I miss that terribly. Nowadays, it’s more of a routine of wake up, decide whether or not I want to get up, read, drink tea, watch TV, drink tea, eat a bit and then go to bed. I used to have a reason for getting up, going out and ending my day in front of the TV – but now I don’t. I feel lethargic and a total failure when day after day I cannot find a job.

The job centre in the middle-of-bloody-nowhere is going to call me in very soon to offer me jobs – which will all be Flemish-speaking – and perhaps offer some training in IT and possibly to better my ever-dying French. Well, maybe. But usually that’s done once you have secured a job, which at this rate is a bit of long shot.

I no longer go out, which is for the better as my budget is tighter than ever, and feel terribly despondent. I try to avoid my father on Skype as his first words are always “have you got a job?” and am grateful for the books that I have, although I seem to be reading them rather too quickly, and coming from a slow reader says something.

Coralie is looking to move out early next year which will leave me alone for four months while Tatiana is in Madrid doing her stage and Todd spends every other weekend here. I really should be clearing out the house and down-sizing whilst looking for a ground-floor apartment – if possible – around here as I have to move sometime next year. Todd is as upset about this as I am as it is the only home that he has known. This house is the only place that I have ever called home seeing as I have been living here for over seventeen years.

So that’s what I should be doing.

Clearing out.


  1. Posted Wednesday, October 27, 2010 at 11:38 pm | Permalink

    mr. nightime would you please read what i have written

    i have not diagnosed zoe as autistic but have said that she is partly autistic which may or may not be news to her but i suspect not !

    as for her family and ex’s!

    let me also say i am partly autistic, it’s not necessarily bad, any great talent like newton, leonardo da vinci, einstein, picasso, dali, sir henry neville, the list is endless, are pretty much autistic

    einstein was so autistic it wasn’t funny, couldn’t even dress himself

    doctors can see up to 20 or 30 people a day, you would have to be blind to think they have your best interests or are even capable of taking an informed view of them

    the proof of the pudding is in the eating and my heatlh is very good and i don’t have that from going to doctors or naturopaths but sorting out issues myself

    theres nothing more pathetic than people who take a passive, “doctor knows best” approach !

    there is a modern waste land of the medically dependent and injured, maybe you are there, but i am not !

    i let people make their own judgements but am the developer of the bioflm carbohydrate diet and compendium supplement program all of which is extremely well researched and is linked to by by name

    its volunteer, theres no agenda except i did get and am involved helping parents of children with autistic spectrum developmental disorders on the web

    this area is not medical but premedical with the aim of avoiding ending up in the modern living crucifixion of medication, surgery and chemotherapy!

    i did feel for zoe a bit because i can see where she’s going, but attitudinally i think she’s a bit like you, i have learnt not to take any grief, there’s such a wasteland of middle aged women with wrecked health now who have very little interest in improving their situation

    having said all this i should make clear that in my experience and observation the natural health scene is also a disaster area.

    actualy mr. nightime (sleep issues?) now i think about it, you are not disputing that zoe (and no doubt the majority of readers on this board) are autistically traited, but that it is a harsh judgement!

    well how every much we may pretend, there’s little to compare to the aging process for harshness

  2. Posted Wednesday, October 27, 2010 at 11:42 pm | Permalink

    corrected link, this is my web index page, the compendium link is towards the bottom !

    click on my name, all zero of you ;o)

    i’m not actually that interested in missionizing, too busy !

  3. Posted Thursday, October 28, 2010 at 10:48 am | Permalink

    Andrew, please go away as you are becoming insulting now. Anyone can see that I am depressed, not partly autistic. You never really did answer Mr.Nighttime’s question so my guess is that you live in a house full of ‘healing crystals’ and chant strange ‘songs’ to heal the already dead.

    Honestly, we are laughing at you now, so whatever good you intended doesn’t work for me, thank you. And referring to my past relationships is way below the belt – I believe in the future.