"You hear laughter breaking through, it makes you want to fart. You’re heading for a breakdown, better pull yourself apart. " - John Cooper Clarke

I’m all shook up.

I don’t think that my body particularly likes my left fuck-you finger very much. Some of you may remember my close escape from death last year when I managed to end up being taken to hospital by ambulance with all sirens blaring after slightly cutting the top of said finger. All I needed was a tetanus shot. Those Croix Rouge people get really bored during expos, but the ride was fun.

Last night, my mate Tony down-the-road invited me for supper and while he was cooking I managed to knock the same finger on the opposite side of the joint (the palm side of the hand) and woke up this morning with a purple finger. It doesn’t really hurt, but is just slightly swollen and very purple.

Fair enough, I do bruise very easily and am forever finding bruises on my body but I do think that this finger is having more than it’s fair share of bruising.

I wonder where I’ll next find a bruise.


  1. Posted Wednesday, November 3, 2010 at 3:19 am | Permalink

    Hmm…does this mean you will have to retire that finger from…ahem…other activities as well?

  2. Anonymous, too
    Posted Wednesday, November 3, 2010 at 3:24 am | Permalink

    If Down-the-Road Tony was cooking, what were you doing??? Sticking your fingers in the electric mixer?

    Remember, you only have one left fuck-you finger, and it’s important. It is vitally necessary for flipping the bird left-handed and in stereo.

    (One of these days we have to find a responsible adult to look after you.)

  3. Posted Wednesday, November 3, 2010 at 9:52 am | Permalink

    Maybe it’s a wise idea to keep that finger flexed and tucked in with the others instead of waving it about at every person you get in sight. That would reduce the risk.

  4. Posted Wednesday, November 3, 2010 at 2:18 pm | Permalink

    Hope you have a supply of Arnica in the house if you bruise easily.

  5. Posted Wednesday, November 3, 2010 at 2:21 pm | Permalink


    Fold it inward toward your palm, tape it down to keep it out of trouble.

  6. Posted Wednesday, November 3, 2010 at 5:59 pm | Permalink

    That’s what you get for not using it for it’s intended purpose.

  7. Posted Wednesday, November 3, 2010 at 9:15 pm | Permalink

    Was it worth the bruising?

  8. Posted Thursday, November 4, 2010 at 7:48 pm | Permalink

    Elbows and knees? *scarpers*

  9. Posted Monday, November 8, 2010 at 12:39 pm | Permalink

    Don’t take any chances. Wrap your whole self in cotton wool for the foreseeable future.