"You hear laughter breaking through, it makes you want to fart. You’re heading for a breakdown, better pull yourself apart. " - John Cooper Clarke

52 Questions

A Question A Week

Random questions from random people.

1. What would you say is the most profound advice you’ve ever been given (and did you heed it)

Look on the bright side of life. I try my hardest.

2. Who, for you, is an idol? Why are they your idol?

My grandfather. He meant a lot to me and taught me a lot of things that the Aliens missed out on. Whenever there was a conflict between the Aliens and I, my grandfather always had a way of putting the situation into a prospective whereby I could see both sides of the story.

3. When, during the day, are you in your best mood, and why?

Early evening. I enjoy evenings, settling down to relax with a glass of wine, the TV, a book or company.

4. When you wake, what do you normally think of first?

What day of the week is it ?

5. If you could choose doing the washing up or drying up, which one would it be? ( I have a dishwasher is not acceptable)

Washing up.

6. How often do you pretend you can’t hear your phone ringing (mobile or land line) cos you cant be arsed to answer it?

Extremely rarely.

7. What are your favourite recipes that never go wrong and that the kids eat?

I tend to make up my own recipes, although I always follow cake recipes, word for word.

8. What did you do on your 11th birthday?

I’ve no idea, but I sulked throughout my 10th.

9. ______ is sexy But._____ is sexier.

I’d better not reply – I could get into trouble here.

10. Where would you like to live if you had to leave Belgium (and not the UK, because that’s Andy’s home) and why?

Tanzania, as that’s Andy’s real home to him. Once he’s got rid of the nest of black mambas under his house, that is.

11. What would be your dream job?

Writer or artist.

12. Do you keep in contact with anyone from your school days? Tell us something about your oldest and closest friends.

Nobody from school, but one of my oldest and closest friends is one I met when I first moved over to Belgium. She used to be a goth and absolutely mad about U2 and The Cure.

13. What most important ingredient would you like another person freely and naturally to offer, to help ensure that such a relationship developed?

Trust.

14. What important aspect of you do you feel would contribute towards this ideal.

I am extremely loyal to my friends.

15. Do you feel that you have depths (of feelings, ideas, attitudes) that have not yet been shared by another person? If so, maybe explain??

Is this a trick question ? I think I have shared just about every feeling possible with the Twat.

16. Where would you like to be at the moment (and for how long and why?)

(Children and work and money permitting ?) Right now I’d like to be in Thailand for several months. Why ? Because I have just been talking to a friend who is on her way back from the country after having spent 4 months out there. She came across as incredibly relaxed and although out conversation was cut short, it seems that there was a lot to visit and she has learnt a lot of the culture. And visited 3 of Thailand’s hospitals too …

17. What is the biggest mistake you have ever made, in the sense that it affected your life adversely?

Not having listened to my gut instinct the second time I got married.

18. Name 5 things that give you pleasure?

Food, Sex, Alcohol, Meeting new people, Travelling.

19. What is the worst UDI (Unidentifiable Drinking Injury) you’ve ever had?

An enormous black-eye that last over 8 weeks. The entire left-hand side of my face had swollen out like a football.

20. Do you prefer living in Belguim to living in the UK, & why?

Another trick question as I have never really lived in the UK.

21. Why are you so nice as to invite a load of complete strangers to your house every summer for a BBQ?!!

I think it has something to do with old age and senility.

22. Where do you want to be in 5 years from now?

Here, but with a healthier bank balance.

23. Did you regret anything so far?

Oh yes.

24. The place you wanna live if you would have tonns of money.

Several places. Africa, the South of France (Perpignan direction) and perhaps the Caribbean ?

25. Are you still the funny, lovely person that I really liked a lot in Brussels?

I damn well hope so. Yes, I am.

26. What thoughts predominate that mind right now?

Should I get a glass of wine or wait a bit ?

27. Lastly, what did you look for in your men and have you found it ?

I don’t think that I ever ‘looked’ for anything in my past relationships, per se, but if there is no sight of a sense of humour, then forget it.

28. Why are you so evil?

Because it’s good for the soul and makes others wary of me.

29. Why do your powers seem to be blunted when faced with the might of Flobster International?

They don’t really, but you do try hard.

30. How come evil is so sexy?

Oh, is it ? So that’s what attracts Andy so much.

31. What made you abandon your calling to become a monk?

The thought of wearing Jesus-sandals all the time.

32. Is red wine really better for you than trappist beers?

Definitely. Red wine enhances the size of your boobs.

33. Why Belgium?

Because I knew the country a little and spoke a little French.

34. Do you think there is a difference between you being around other people or other people being around you?

There is a huge difference. If I’m around other people, it’s because I want to be. If other people are around me, I don’t necessarily want them to be there – and they are very often not the people I want to have around me in the first place.

35. Have you ever had a simple decision in front of you and known it could change everything?

Not that I can remember. People always seem to place really difficult decisions infront of me. Mainly because they don’t know what to do themselves.

36. Do you think that the questions asked reveal more about the asker than the askee wanted?

Yes, yes and yes. The ‘asker’ often asks some pretty obscure questions that some would call ‘nosey’, or are asking simply for their benefit. Yet again, those that ask interesting questions about another person can come accross as genuinely interested in the ‘askee’.

37. What would you do with the perfect snowball?

I’d throw it damn hard at a certain someone.

38. You’re gorgeous, what’s your secret?

Regular sex.

39. How many times a month do you clip your toe nails?

Often enogh – it depends on the season. (Who on earth asked that question ?)

40. How many sugars in your coffee?

One – if it’s the real Mcoy, ie : ground coffee beans and no milk.

41. You take your tea with or without milk?

Depends on the sort of tea.

42. You are generous and loyal, now that i spot it out, are you going to change anything?

I’ll damn well try not to. Tell me if I do.

43. You have some parsley stuck between your teeth, are you going to remove it or enjoy walking around with it seeing people’s reaction?

Remove it. What do you think I am – a Freak Show ?

44. What do you value most in life?

Trust/loyality/love.

45. Do you ever have fantasies about other men during your love-making with your present partner?

Oh yes. Are you on drugs ?

46. What is your biggest regret?

Difficult one, that, very difficult. I think it it’s not having made the move and travelled around the world for a year.

47. You have a chance to commit a crime – the perfect crime, as you’ll get away scot-free and no one will ever know a thing. What crime would you commit, and why?

I think I’d rob a bank. Or kill Tony Blair. No, rob a bank.

48. Donkey or worm? (think carefully before you answer this one).

Donkey, I think. They’re more useful.

49. Belgian men – what’s the reason for them?

In my case, to marry and divorce.

50. What languages do you speak?

English, French and a really, really little bit of Flemish. I understand more than I speak.

51. What countries have you visited?

All of them ? That’s madness as I’ve been on a cruise round the world twice (oh mater and pater, I hated them) – but the countries that I can actually remember are : Saigon (well, I don’t remember it all, but I know I’ve been there), Japan, Singapore, Phuket -Thailand, other Asian countries that I’ve forgotten about, Portugal, Honolulu – USA, Barbados, Italy (sort of), France, Luxembourg, Germany, Austria (sort of), ex-Yugoslavia, the Netherlands, Switzerland, UK, Ireland, USA, Canada, Majorca – Spain, Lebanon, Senegal, Cameroon – and Belgium.

52. What’s your favourite colour?

Probably black.