"You hear laughter breaking through, it makes you want to fart. You’re heading for a breakdown, better pull yourself apart. " - John Cooper Clarke

All About Me

UPDATE:

Long-term/regular readers/readers with a good memory [take your pick] may remember the New Year Celebrations that my parents paid for entirely in 2005/2006. This included our train tickets, a ten day stay with my parents – everything. Including the man in my life who they had never met – Quarsan. Since our visit to Devon which was pretty stressful for, in particular, my mother, my parents have visited us in Belgium this year, 2006. I think that I can safely say that the people who I once feared are even closer to me than ever.

Some things below remain true, but I am so happy to say that I think that we are well and truly on the mend, relationship-wise.

And I couldn’t be happier.

All About Me

Busy people should go straight to the Executive Briefing

I’m a 40+ year-old Brit living in Belgium with my 3 children who spend one week here, then one week with their Dad who lives with his wife called Pretty Horrible Tits. Quarsan came and moved in with us in November 2001, and life has never been quite the same since.

I work as an Office Manager. I’ve been there for far too long (11+ years) and am desparately looking for another job. I would love to write children’s books as I’ve been told that I have a vivid imagination, and seeing as my vocabulary is extremely limited, it would be an ideal choice. I just need the guts to do it. Just this weblog took 3 months courage to actually get going … and when I use a long word my dictionary is consulted with great care.

My children come first, no matter what. They speak English and French (well, there are times when I wonder about their English), and are learning Dutch at school. They get on amazingly well with Quarsan, which isn’t always a good thing as they tend to gang up on me. Still, I can shout louder than the lot of them, so I’m not that worried.

I started life in Saigon, which always makes it difficult when asked “where are you from ?” I then spent 5 years in Japan and then was thrown into boarding school in Ashford/Kent and then Canterbury. Those were definitely not the happiest days of my life. I refused to go to university as I had this image of being locked up again and forced to study.

I set my heart on being an occupational therapist, working with handicapped children, but the Aliens disapproved and that was thrown out of the window. Since then, I didn’t care much about school. The Aliens put the fear of God into me at the end of each term when I had to present my Report.

So seeing as I refused to go to University (I doubt there’s one in the UK that would have actually taken me) the Aliens decided that I should get some qualifications, so sent me to ‘The Oxford and County Secretarial College’. I expect they chose that college a) because of it’s name, and b) because it was located in Oxford, ooooerrrrrr. Still, they were living in Senegal at that time so I didn’t give a toss.

After that, I spent my last holiday in Senegal and was sent back to the UK in disgrace. The UK scared me – it still does. At that time it appeared to be a huge country of which I knew very little of (not much has changed there, believe me). So I took revenge and moved to Belgium in 1981 or ’82, as my parents had already been posted here and I knew a little of the country. Well, more than the UK. And I’m still here.

Once the children have left home, Quarsan and I hope to move to his house in Tanzania. Well, that was the idea until he told me that there is a nest of black mambas under the house. And the loo is outside. And the shower is outside too.

Executive Briefing

I’m useless at politics and religion.
I am extremely lazy. So much so, that I hate myself for it.
I can’t drive, which is a pain – but the children would start to pick up some extremely bad language if I could.
I’m not a morning person – I love my bed.
I’ve been to hospital several times – for my eyes, after a car-crash, sinuses, back-operation, and of course, to have the Brussels Sprouts.
I have a memory like a seive.
I’m terrified of computers and spiders.
I have phases where I read a lot and then suddenly stop til the next phase starts.
ditto above when it comes to cooking.
I’m extremely gullible.
I’m an atheist.
I worry too much.
I’m a very good listener and care deeply for others.
Words with more than two syllables scare me.
I’m terrified of taking exams.
I’m terrified of failing (the above and this fear were installed into me as a child).
My last holiday was in 2000.
I’d love to have fashionable clothes, but due to my financial circumstances, I’ll settle quite happily for a pair of 501’s.
Billy Connelly, Eddie Izzard, Jo Brand, to name but a few, make me laugh. A lot.
Absolutely Fabulous has to be one of the funniest series ever. I can relate.
During my ‘permed hair’ period, I was called Eddie. (See above).
I’m hopeless at maths.

THINGS I LOVE

(in no particular order)

Laughter – the best medicine in the world.
A good sense of humour.
Romance.
Money – I think a lot of my problems could be solved if I had some. Donations ?
Antiques.
Art.
Books – fictional.
Music – all types except acid/techno/modern rap.
Perfume – Eternity by Calvin Klein.
My local sauna.
Sun, heat, beaches ….. (one can dream).
Good food and drink (red wine).
Eating out.
Meeting people.

THINGS I HATE

Liars.
Marzepain.
Loud music in restaurants.
Exclamation marks.