"You hear laughter breaking through, it makes you want to fart. You’re heading for a breakdown, better pull yourself apart. " - John Cooper Clarke

Author Archives: Zoe

Todd

zoeinbrussels by Happy ‘punk’ Todd and his Mohawk looking happy. I bumped into Tatiana in the supermarket and she told me that he has gone to Poland for a week to be with his girlfriend. Now I know how his dad copes with the boy – I certainly can’t. There again, I wouldn’t part with [...]

Things I do for fun.

I enjoy spending the good part of an hour washing moisturising cream off toilet doors and the surrounding area. It’s very therapeutic especially when you have to try, unsuccessfully, to get half of the stuff out of the key hole. This is Todd’s latest temper tantrum – he threw it at the door from the [...]

Bloody ants.

The best thing I did this weekend was go shopping with Tatiana who had kindly offered to prepare a barbecue before the World Cup final. The poor girl could hardly get me out of the freezer section where I was feeling very comfortable gazing at pizzas as I leant against the frozen peas section. It [...]

Test

Some people can simply not live without a computer.

Sculpture

I love the way Europeans adore their sculpture and this one really caught my eye near Bad Münster Eifel. Right in the middle of a roundabout.

It’s time for the bubonic plague again.

I went to see the dermatologist again today seeing as I appear to have a touch of the bubonic plague again. As the doctor explained how I managed to catch it again, with details from stress to my coil, she also told me to stay out of the sun. This would be fine if the [...]

Mohawks.

Todd made a short appearance at home yesterday boasting his Mohawk which looked like a cross between a hedgehog that had been caught under a lawnmower and a Tin-tin hair-do. Apparently the hairdresser refused to shave off the sides completely so he doesn’t look quite as fearsome as I had expected – just a little [...]

Todd N°. 5,380 (and still going).

I dropped by the house yesterday as I haven’t been around much and the children are chez Papa. After checking on Hermie, changing his water and giving him something to eat I went upstairs to get something from my bedroom. Hello? Why is Todd’s duvet and pillows on my bed? Hello? Why is my king-size [...]

TQOTD

“I’m still not talking to you, you know.” “Warn me next time – I hadn’t noticed you’d stopped, Zoe. Pffffffffffft.

1989

That was definitely a year to remember. I waddled around like a beached up whale, ate extremely healthy, exercised a lot and generally felt good about myself as I was due to give birth on 24 June. All I knew was that I wasn’t expecting just the one baby, but two, but had no idea [...]

Tesco TVs are very sturdy.

I’ve often been known as vaguely clumsy but yesterday was quite impressive. Previously, I’ve backed into occupied phone boxes, startling the person inside, locked myself out of my house on several occasions, fallen over a snowman flat on my face, ran full pelt into a glass door and so on. Yesterday was just another incident [...]

TQOTD

“Zoe, you do realise that I’m lying on my good ear so that every time you say something I have to lift my head up?” “I’ll just start shouting at you then.” “Actually, I’d like you to shut up altogether.” Some men.

A job!

No, not me, Coralie. Coralie applied at a hotel for a summer job as a receptionist and they not only gave her a summer job, but a full contract which only goes to show how valid a stage is when studying for a degree. Not only does she have the experience, but she also speaks [...]

TQOTD

Last week I visited a friend. Just before serving me supper, which was supposed to be a pasta-bake, he announced: “Oh, Zoe – I forgot the pasta.” I expected soup, but it was, in fact, very good. The Twit.

Sun, sport, jungles and tortoises.

It’s been a while since I’ve checked in here to give you all the news from the Twat Mansion so I decided that seeing as today is a bit windy outside I’ll come here and do some dusting. To be honest, the weather hasn’t been that fantastic, just check out the number of times the [...]