"You’re certainly no raver, commonly known as a drag. Do us all a favour, here... wear this polythene bag. " - John Cooper Clarke

Author Archives: Zoe

It doesn’t help, you Third World Country.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010 – 7:08 pm

Belgium seems to think that it will help this commune by cutting down on our gas and electricity bills.  Naturally, in order to do this, works have to be undertaken.  In order to undertake these works, our gas and electricity supplies have to be cut off.
It’s all very well telling us about this in advance; [...]

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TQOTD

Thursday, March 4, 2010 – 8:45 pm

A friend visited us yesterday and turned to me at one point asking:
“So you’ve been pretty abstemious then?”
“Errrrr, What? What does abstemious mean?”
The Twat: “No, you wouldn’t know what that meant, would you?”
Pffffft.

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It was good to get away.

Monday, March 1, 2010 – 9:15 pm

Thanks to the Twat I was allowed to “go fishing” last weekend with a superb friend of mine of at least 8 years.  We talked a lot, ate a lot and drank a lot, as you do.  Getting away was a great relief from everything and I hope that I can do it again some [...]

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Brrrrr.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010 – 7:46 am

The house started cooling down slowly on Saturday although we were lucky to get some sunshine to warm up the living-room.   On Sunday morning the thermostat told me that the house had gone down to 15°C and I spent most of the day trying to find ways of crawling into Hermie’s cage and basking under [...]

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Oh great.

Saturday, February 20, 2010 – 1:10 pm

Whenever the children were sick and needed to see a doctor they always adhered to Murphy’s Law and fell ill over a weekend.  Whenever something goes wrong in this house, Murphy’s Law also applies.
My heater broke this morning.
This means no hot water and no heating until I can get a chauffagiste in to look at [...]

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Thirty-four.

Thursday, February 18, 2010 – 8:40 am

I used to love this day of the year but for the past twenty years it has become nothing but a drag, usually spent in the office where it was of no significance to anybody else and after a bit that rubbed off on me too.  It’s Thursday today and so far my week has [...]

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The Twat is asthmatic.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010 – 9:16 pm

And yet he has started to smoke again on a regularly basis.
I ’saved’ his life once, back in 2002, when I blackmailed him into going to hospital.  He could have died then.
I only allowed him home on the promise that he would give up smoking.  Even I gave up to help him back then.  But [...]

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My postman.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010 – 9:36 am

The postman that does the rounds in this area has to be the most miserable sod ever created.  He stands up to the typical ‘Belgian stereotype’: moody, silent and very, very Flemish.  Oh, and customer service?  Yes, well, I think that’s best left aside.
I dislike stereotyping any nationality, but whenever I do see groans and [...]

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It’s Annual Shag Day!

Sunday, February 14, 2010 – 10:25 am

Well, this snow goes back to last December,  but even so, isn’t it just oh, so jaw-droppingly romantic?  The Twat didn’t pee out the words but instead, spent ages shuffling out the words to make a wonderful sign in the road, for perhaps four neighbours to see.  The heart had been done earlier by Tatiana, [...]

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Annual Shag Day.

Saturday, February 13, 2010 – 11:07 am

Christ – a reader has pointed out to me that tomorrow is Annual Shag Day and I’d forgotten.  Yes, people, I had actually forgotten about the day when I have to get the rust seen to and the joints oiled, not to mention all the other preparations.
And so…this starts off with shaving my legs etc [...]

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Crisis.

Thursday, February 11, 2010 – 9:13 am

I have one tea-bag left.
I can’t cycle to Carrefour as the brakes on my bike need replacing, not that they’d be that useful when cycling on snow.  I think that the tea-bag has already been used once, so I could, at a push, make two more cups of tea with it, but that is going [...]

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This isn’t funny anymore.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010 – 8:20 am

I love snow, I really do, and the first time that it snowed this winter, back in December, made a picturesque little scene.  And then it all died, the earth was soggy and people started backing onto my front lawn.  Then it snowed again later in December, carefully avoiding any chances of a white christmas [...]

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Update on the ‘wolf’.

Monday, February 8, 2010 – 11:47 am

Last Monday the police visited Todd at school.  They asked various questions and listened to the two messages that the perv had left on Todd’s phone.  He was asked to describe what he looked like and after Todd’s description, the police woman showed a mug-shot of the perv to Todd and asked him if that [...]

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What is it with him?

Saturday, February 6, 2010 – 1:57 pm

Some may remember when the Twat went and left his card in an ATM and very shortly after that, went and left my card in an ATM.  Well, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that he’s gone and left his card in an ATM again and is giving me grief over it for no reason [...]

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So far, not so good.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010 – 9:30 am

I’ve been suffering from Crapitis for the past week, more commonly known as gastric ‘flu and lesser known as butt ‘flu.  It’s a refreshing thought to know that my toilets function, that I have vast quantities of loo paper and smelly things that I put in the loo at quite some expense, considering the amount [...]

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