My Boyfriend Is A Twat » Belgium

Todd

Zoe — Sat, 24 Jul 2010 12:48:30 +0000

Todd and his Mohawk looking happy. I bumped into Tatiana in the supermarket and she told me that he has gone to Poland for a week to be with his girlfriend. Now I know how his dad copes with the boy – I certainly can’t.

There again, I wouldn’t part with my money for Todd to go on holiday, he doesn’t deserve it.

He’s lovely to photograph though.

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Things I do for fun.

Zoe — Fri, 16 Jul 2010 06:53:51 +0000

I enjoy spending the good part of an hour washing moisturising cream off toilet doors and the surrounding area. It’s very therapeutic especially when you have to try, unsuccessfully, to get half of the stuff out of the key hole.

This is Todd’s latest temper tantrum – he threw it at the door from the bathroom because I wouldn’t give him €10 to pay back a friend.

The loo does, at least, smell nice now.

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Bloody ants.

Zoe — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 05:54:42 +0000

The best thing I did this weekend was go shopping with Tatiana who had kindly offered to prepare a barbecue before the World Cup final. The poor girl could hardly get me out of the freezer section where I was feeling very comfortable gazing at pizzas as I leant against the frozen peas section. It has been so hot lately that places such as the frozen food section of supermarkets and my cellar are my favourite haunts, although the temperature is supposed to drop by 10° today.

When we got home I found that the ants had found their way in again and there were thousands of the bloody things crawling around my French windows. This time they were mainly storm ants, many of whom had formed small clusters on the actual windows. I wasn’t quite sure how to tackle them exactly until Tatiana suggested getting the vacuum cleaner which seemed the only sensible option as they were crawling all around the entire French windows and it was impossible to see where the ants were actually coming in.

So while Tatiana cooked supper for us, I was vacuuming up ants. Storm ants – the ones with wings on. And just as their name suggests, we had a light storm during the Germany – Uruguay game which mucked the satellite around a bit and we had to watch the match in French. Excellent game, dire commentary.

The storm cooled things down for a bit but Sunday was another scorcher. Nevertheless, Tatiana wanted to go ahead with her barbecue, so I prepared a salad – again, as it’s all I really want to eat in this weather and we ate outside before going in to watch the World Cup final.

Great food, dire commentary, abysmal game.

“Mama, watching the corn pop in the microwave has been the most exciting thing to happen so far.”

I couldn’t have put it better.

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Test

Zoe — Sun, 11 Jul 2010 09:06:33 +0000

Some people can simply not live without a computer.

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Sculpture

Zoe — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 20:19:56 +0000

I love the way Europeans adore their sculpture and this one really caught my eye near Bad Münster Eifel.

Right in the middle of a roundabout.

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It’s time for the bubonic plague again.

Zoe — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 07:00:04 +0000

I went to see the dermatologist again today seeing as I appear to have a touch of the bubonic plague again. As the doctor explained how I managed to catch it again, with details from stress to my coil, she also told me to stay out of the sun. This would be fine if the weather forecast was predicting snow, but that’s hardly likely in these tropical climes. It is supposed to creep back up to 27°C tomorrow and 30°C the next day which makes it very difficult to stay indoors.

Tatiana went to the coast on Monday with her boyfriend and only put sun cream on her face and shoulders – which was an idiotic thing to do, especially when at the sea. Her stomach now glows in the dark and she looks like an extremely successful candidate should she wish to take up a career as a red traffic light.

I mentioned my love of the sun to the doctor today and she was incredibly understanding.

I was prescribed a paper bag.

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Mohawks.

Zoe — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 09:37:57 +0000

Todd made a short appearance at home yesterday boasting his Mohawk which looked like a cross between a hedgehog that had been caught under a lawnmower and a Tin-tin hair-do. Apparently the hairdresser refused to shave off the sides completely so he doesn’t look quite as fearsome as I had expected – just a little silly. Todd then went off to boast his bruises that he got when pogoing and being thrown about by fans at Werchter. He has three and they failed to impress me so he started insulting me, then left and I’ve not seen him since.

I’ve already tried out my new lawnmower which is great and doesn’t involve trying to keep the handle up all the time which was what used to do my back in time and time again. I shall do the rest of the garden this afternoon, and I hate to say it, but I’m rather looking forward to it. The pond desperately needs filling up so that’s on the cards aswell before I flop infront of the TV to watch the football.

Coralie may come home tonight – she started working at the hotel on 1 July and appears to be very busy, according to Tatiana. Hermie is busy jogging around his pen although I do like taking food out to him, putting it near his face and using it as bait to see just how fast he can run.

Other than job-hunting, I’m slowly clearing out the house which seems to be taking forever but must be done.

And that was a little bit of this and that.

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Todd N°. 5,380 (and still going).

Zoe — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 15:16:20 +0000

I dropped by the house yesterday as I haven’t been around much and the children are chez Papa. After checking on Hermie, changing his water and giving him something to eat I went upstairs to get something from my bedroom.

Hello? Why is Todd’s duvet and pillows on my bed?

Hello? Why is my king-size duvet and pillows on Todd’s two beds?

Hello? Why are there a couple of ‘things’ from my Box of Tricks that I keep hidden under my bed, in Todd’s room?

I stripped off all the sheets and shall be washing them at an extremely high wash and will be disinfecting my Toys for the next week; god only knows what Todd has done with them. This comes as a bit of a shock as I would never have thought that Todd would use my bed linen, let alone anything else.

There again, he did come flying downstairs last week wearing nothing but a very, very small towel while his girlfriend was upstairs, begging for a condom. Fortunately, a friend had a condom that was just within the sell-by-date in his wallet and the evening was obviously saved. For Todd.

I picked up the empty beer bottles that were strewn around the lawn, threw them out and left, wondering how to tackle Todd about using my house as a hotel. But I think I have other issues to think about now as I have just found out something else about Todd.

He has a Mohican hair-cut.

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TQOTD

Zoe — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 11:02:00 +0000

“I’m still not talking to you, you know.”
“Warn me next time – I hadn’t noticed you’d stopped, Zoe.

Pffffffffffft.

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1989

Zoe — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 11:13:56 +0000

That was definitely a year to remember. I waddled around like a beached up whale, ate extremely healthy, exercised a lot and generally felt good about myself as I was due to give birth on 24 June. All I knew was that I wasn’t expecting just the one baby, but two, but had no idea whether I was to give birth to a boy and girl, two boys or two girls. Simply because I didn’t want to.

And so my partner and I had four names ready and after a lot of huffing and puffing and three hard pushes, I gave birth to a girl who was called Coralie. I loved holding my newborn child so much that my gynaecologist had to remind me that I still had another baby inside me so could I hand Coralie over to her father and get pushing again?

With one single push I gave birth to another girl – Tatiana. Both of my babies were covered in mucus and looked pretty revolting in all honesty, but they were mine, had been a part of me for nine months so naturally I thought they were beautiful.

And all this happened 21 years ago.

Happy birthday, Coralie and Tatiana!

xxx

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Tesco TVs are very sturdy.

Zoe — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 09:16:34 +0000

I’ve often been known as vaguely clumsy but yesterday was quite impressive. Previously, I’ve backed into occupied phone boxes, startling the person inside, locked myself out of my house on several occasions, fallen over a snowman flat on my face, ran full pelt into a glass door and so on.

Yesterday was just another incident to add to my list. As I came back to watch one of the World Cup matches after half-time I went to close the door and on moving towards the sofa, somehow managed to trip over my feet, fall flat on my arse and knock the cabinet on which the TV was on.

Now I wouldn’t say that my feet are big – they are fairly normal, but when my back hit the cabinet the following sound wasn’t good as I slowly heard the TV make a slow dive off it. Horrified as to the events that were slowly unfolding behind me I simply sat there, eyes tightly shut.

My friend came over and pulled up the TV and simply said “Zoe, it’s still working – look”. I slowly turned around and fair enough, the match was still going on.

Still mortified, I sat down and watched the rest of the match, but if you want a reliable and tough TV, go to Tesco.

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TQOTD

Zoe — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 08:57:29 +0000

“Zoe, you do realise that I’m lying on my good ear so that every time you say something I have to lift my head up?”
“I’ll just start shouting at you then.”
“Actually, I’d like you to shut up altogether.”

Some men.

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A job!

Zoe — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 16:38:55 +0000

No, not me, Coralie.

Coralie applied at a hotel for a summer job as a receptionist and they not only gave her a summer job, but a full contract which only goes to show how valid a stage is when studying for a degree. Not only does she have the experience, but she also speaks four languages. However, as Coralie failed a few exams earlier this year she will have to re-take them at the end of August and so will need that month to study. She told the hotel this and they said that it was of no problem whatsoever and that they would employ her for July and if she passes her exams Coralie is very welcome to go back as a full-time employee.

Am I peeved? Well, a bit.

But I’m dead proud of Coralie.

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TQOTD

Zoe — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 21:55:14 +0000

Last week I visited a friend. Just before serving me supper, which was supposed to be a pasta-bake, he announced:

“Oh, Zoe – I forgot the pasta.”

I expected soup, but it was, in fact, very good.

The Twit.

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Sun, sport, jungles and tortoises.

Zoe — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 14:32:46 +0000

It’s been a while since I’ve checked in here to give you all the news from the Twat Mansion so I decided that seeing as today is a bit windy outside I’ll come here and do some dusting.

To be honest, the weather hasn’t been that fantastic, just check out the number of times the players at Roland Garros had to suspend their games for a bit and you will see. (And who said it only rains in Belgium?) Having said that, when it’s been hot and sunny it has been fantastic and I even have a tan to prove it.

Coralie came back from her four-month stage in Tenerife, looking black as coal and appears to have thoroughly enjoyed her time out there. She now has a couple of exams and her thesis to write and hopefully she won’t be two steps behind me at the Dole office.

I had an interview last week for a position within a huge American company which looked very challenging so we’ll see how things go, and I hope to hear from a couple of other positions that I applied for. Summer is never a good time when it comes to job-hunting, but you never can tell.

Saturday was a fairly successful day as I managed to negotiate a deal with Todd and had my lawn mown for the first time this year. The grass was so long that my ancient and decrepit lawn mower carked it and is now in the garage waiting to be taken to the tip if I can’t resuscitate it next weekend. Buying a new one seems to be a pointless idea.

Hermie’s pen was so overgrown that I decided that it should be mowed too so as I played Hunt-the-tortoise for about half an hour only to find him next to my foot, Todd removed Hermie’s shed and water bowl. I now have a rather pissed off tortoise who doesn’t have any long grass to hide in. Still, the garden looks much better, I had 21 roses on my overgrown, unruly and unkept rose bush on Saturday and we’re back to taking out our stress by playing Swingball with gusto.

Next: the World Cup. Fantastic!

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