"You hear laughter breaking through, it makes you want to fart. You’re heading for a breakdown, better pull yourself apart. " - John Cooper Clarke

Category Archives: Belgium

Blood is thicker than water.

I’ve just recovered from a tiring trip to and from the UK to celebrate the Ruby Wedding Anniversary of some friends of mine. To be honest, I had only met one half of the couple prior to the event, but not only his wife, but his entire family were absolutely charming as were the friends [...]

The Police.

I love the police in this country. Fair enough, I have blogged about them before as they turn around and I see their huge handcuffs on their belts, their guns in their holsters and not to mention the uniform. A rather young-looking policeman just popped by for a signature on the declaration I made about [...]

Todd – again.

The joys of motherhood are far too over-rated and if anybody ever dares tell you that popping out their own spawn is the most rewarding thing that they have ever done then turn away, don’t listen because They Are Lying. Especially if they have teenagers. Long gone are the days of sleepless nights and sulphur-filled [...]

Not a clever thing to do.

I gazed sadly at my jungle of a garden yesterday and decided that nobody is going to mow it, so I’ll have to. I heaved out the useless lawn mower that I have that has a mind of its own and tackled the front bit. Not bad and my back was doing pretty well so [...]

TQOTD

“Oh, look at that!” “Zoe, are you talking to me?” “No, no – just the bathroom scales.” “Oh, and what did they reply – WEIGHT?” HA HA HA. Not.

Todd, oh Todd.

I was away briefly last week and came back to a house that had been lived in by, well, two blokes, the Twat and Todd. I emptied the overflowing letter box and found a bill and a letter addressed to me from the police. This intrigued me as I can’t remember having a brush with [...]

Spring is definitely in the air.

The hedges are looking slightly greener, there are wild flowers growing under my hedge adding a hint of colour to the garden and the lovely early sound of lawns being mowed can be heard. I even sat outside the other day. So why is the weather so miserable now? The heating is normally turned off [...]

TQOTD

Yesterday I had a cat-nap seeing as there was sweet FA to do and woke up with a huge bite on my upper lip. I am now looking for the tarantula that bit me so that I can bite it back. This morning I asked the Twat how bad it looked due to all the [...]

Catching up with times.

I should stop complaining about Easter eggs being everywhere as the Twat has just right pointed out to me that Sunday just happens to be Easter. Where did the time go? I blame my calendar really as it’s confusing with today being the last day of March and therefore there are blank squares until I [...]

Sod’s Law.

My life nearly ended last night when I realised that I couldn’t connect to the internet. Far little is worse than this sort of nightmare, but even the Twat couldn’t get it working again. What on earth does one do in such situations? Read? Watch TV? Feeling very put out, I did the latter and [...]

Home again.

I’ve been away in Holland for the past week and had a wonderful time in between job-hunting. The scariest thing that I did was to go cycling – I’ve never cycled in Holland before and it is scary. Using someone else’s bike with brakes that hardly work is also very scary but at least I [...]

Todd’s arse.

This is what happens when I leave my son in the Twat's charge for a weekend. They go out to Churchill's bar in Brussels and my son bares all to have the female guitarist playing on Todd's former English teacher's band sign his arse. Now who’s the bad parent?

I must be emo.

Todd got this song into my head ages ago.  The lyrics are fantastic.

Crossroads.

I feel like I’m at a crossroads in my life and am not sure whether to go straight on, turn left or risk going right.  This has been coming on for almost a year now so I think I shall carry on straight for a bit until I meet another crossroads – or get run [...]

It doesn’t help, you Third World Country.

Belgium seems to think that it will help this commune by cutting down on our gas and electricity bills.  Naturally, in order to do this, works have to be undertaken.  In order to undertake these works, our gas and electricity supplies have to be cut off. It’s all very well telling us about this in [...]