"You hear laughter breaking through, it makes you want to fart. You’re heading for a breakdown, better pull yourself apart. " - John Cooper Clarke

Category Archives: cooking

>Help – I really need that job now.

>Last week I lost me. That’s correct, me, as in Zoe. I lost myself to a Domestic Goddess; in fact, I turned into one. Me + Domestic Goddess = WHAT THE FUCK? No Excel equation will ever be able to answer that one, but it happened. On Wednesday, although it could have been Tuesday, I […]


>The kitchen is an amazing place.

>I’ve not been in there much as I gave up cooking ages ago. I tend to lean back with a glass of Bordeaux and delegate tasks to the poor minions dying of starvation under my very roof. You can’t really blame me as I have a bad back and a blister on my right foot. […]


>That cupboard what I like.

>I mentioned my cupboards the other day and in particular one that I really like, although I shouldn’t. This cupboard has very little in it. The odd tin of something that expired about 5 or more years ago – things like that. Nothing tumbles out and attacks me, nothing starts growing in there, apart from, […]


>Beneath the smoke, there’s Spring.

>Oh gawd, I’m a mess in the kitchen, I really am. The Twat is correct, just don’t let him know about this statement, but really, I should not be allowed in the kitchen. Last night he prepared a watery curry for me before leaving for something. It may have been a meeting or a drink; […]


>Where are the bloody vegetables?

>I have mentioned the Twat’s dire approach to cooking before, in that apart from his infamous pasta bake which we all love, everything else comes out of either a jar or a packet or is ready-made. So I decided to help. The first introduction was a vegetable to a vegetable. “Twat, this is a carrot. […]