"You hear laughter breaking through, it makes you want to fart. You’re heading for a breakdown, better pull yourself apart. " - John Cooper Clarke

Category Archives: Kids

>Albino poo.

>Saturday was such a beautiful day that I thought it right to introduce Herman to the Great Outdoors that is my garden. I put him on the patio where he stayed totally immobile, deep in thought. He even looked bored so I thought introducing him to other inhabitants of my garden was a good idea. […]


>Imagine a snowball rolling down, getting bigger….

>…and picking up speed. That is what is happening to me now. My kids are sucking me into their turbulent cyclone that is turning around faster and faster, pulling in cars, cows, houses and fat people like me. And this is Not A Good Thing. I thought I was happy. Well, I was. I still […]


>Tortoise is named!

>It took us an entire week of coming up with names such as Hurley (as in Tortoise is LOST), Bling (I rather liked that), Tortellini, Dave, Mental, Shellie (the Twat’s contribution) and numerous others. But today, as I was talking to Tortoise I slipped out “oi, Herman, what are you up to?”. Herman is part […]


>It’s been a while.

>I’m sorry for not posting for so long – it really must have been difficult for you, but things haven’t been easy here. Moving on. Finally, the dreaded ‘Christmas Day’ is over. It’s funny as it was a day that I really used to look forward to, especially as a child. It is a day […]