"You hear laughter breaking through, it makes you want to fart. You’re heading for a breakdown, better pull yourself apart. " - John Cooper Clarke

Category Archives: Todd

Todd, sorted.

It wasn’t what I wanted, to be honest, but Todd has decided to live with his dad and PHT full-time. This doesn’t really mean that much as he only spends the weekends there and his dad is going slightly mental about the forthcoming holidays as Todd doesn’t want to come here at all. I feel […]

It could be worse.

The ‘children’ are back again and Todd is none the wiser. He has broken two more doors simply by hitting them and all I was trying to do was talk to him. Perhaps I should ignore him totally and he’ll love me forever, but that really isn’t my way of bringing up a child. The […]

>That’s ma boy.

>Last Sunday afternoon Todd came around for the last of his things as the children went back to school yesterday. As I was on the phone to my father I decided to pass the call on to Todd, seeing as he was there. They had a good chat and Todd finished the conversation by saying: […]

>Todd N° 5,379 (and still going)

>Oh dear, that horrible, big cloud of hormones has descended upon Todd again. Living with that boy is worse than living with a woman and I do happen to live with a couple aswell as myself. Yesterday he left the house without a word, came back hours later for his clean washing that I said […]

>When he is nice, he is very, very nice…

>Todd came home from an afternoon out with friends on Saturday, covered in make-up in the guise of a ghoul and he’d had his finger nails painted black. Lovely. He hasn’t thought of how to get the stuff off, so I’ll leave that part up to his tiny little brain to work out. On Sunday […]

>Help – I really need that job now.

>Last week I lost me. That’s correct, me, as in Zoe. I lost myself to a Domestic Goddess; in fact, I turned into one. Me + Domestic Goddess = WHAT THE FUCK? No Excel equation will ever be able to answer that one, but it happened. On Wednesday, although it could have been Tuesday, I […]

>Todd N° 5,379 (and still going, it appears).

>So Todd went back to his boarding facilities on Sunday. Despite having barely seen my son over the weekend, I was only too glad to see the back of him, and that feeling makes me sad because it is wrong. It is wrong to want to see the back of your son. Todd is my […]

>You Only Live Twice.

>The other day I did something that I swore that I would never, ever do: go into Todd’s bedroom and pick up his pants and socks. Entering Todd’s room is more of a health hazard and picking up his dirty underwear breaches all the EU Health and Safety Regulations that have so carefully been put […]

>Oh what a lovely weekend.

>My parents came to Brussels for a short stay this weekend so the Twat and I met up with them on the Friday for a drink and supper and then prepared an enormous barbecue with meat generously supplied by my dad on the Saturday because he doesn’t trust Belgian meat. Or our cooking. Or whatever. […]

>Todd N° 5,378 (and still going)

>To be honest, this is not Todd’s fault, but as his mum it does touch me deep inside as he lies there, about 800kms (according to the Twat and his mate Google) away in Auvergne. In hospital. My son deserves an award for screwing up other people’s lives (albeit temporarily), weekends, days and now, holidays. […]

>Shooting myself in the foot?

>Todd finally came home last Thursday after calling me from his dad’s car to say that out of the 10 kids that had auditioned to get into this new school of his, only 5 passed. And he was one of them. Although extremely proud of my son, I admit to breaking down in tears as […]

>Todd N° 5,378 (and still going.)

>Todd finally came home on Friday, something that I was really looking forward to and had many plans lined up to do with him as his sisters are at their dad’s this week. I think my enthusiasm was probably my biggest mistake. I had asked my Ex to tell Todd to be home by 7pm […]

>Todd N° 5,377 (and still going)

>Within two days of coming home last Friday, Todd had broken every single ‘rule’ that we had decided upon. I knew they were too easy to break and Todd did a good job of breaking them. Quarsan and I agreed with the Ex and PHT to the following: – He can only go out once […]

>Todd N° 5,376 (and still going)

>I’ll give my son merit: he’s incredibly good at screwing up other people’s weeks. I can feel it from here, still, the air exhaled from my Ex’s body as he saw our son off to Italy. An entire week without Todd is indeed a blessing, but behind every blessing there looms a dark cloud ready […]

>The confusing state of Todd’s mind.

>The ongoing battle between Todd and his anger, his sisters, the Twat and I was quite calm last week for a change. I had set up a meeting between his dad, PHT, the Twat and me to discuss Todd’s issues and it was a genius idea, even if I say so myself. We came away […]