"You hear laughter breaking through, it makes you want to fart. You’re heading for a breakdown, better pull yourself apart. " - John Cooper Clarke

Category Archives: Twat

>The funnier things in life.

>I have been suffering from severe sciatica since last Thursday, but managed to limp out on Friday, wobble around on Saturday and thanks to Deep Heat, Tiger Balm, Tiger Balm gel and Tiger Balm Strips (thanks to a good friend of mine), got from room to room on Sunday. I needed to get rid of […]

>Sleeping with an insomniac.

>The Twat is driving me mad. He comes to bed late but must sleep heavily considering the amount of whiskey he drinks each night, and then wakes up at around 4 in the morning – sometimes earlier, sometimes a bit later. When he comes to bed he always manages to wake me up, although not […]

>Scared shitless.

>On Friday night the Twat went out to a barbecue, and rather than come home and get his keys first, he simply told me that he would be home at 11pm. But as usual, 11pm came and went so I decided to go to bed, thinking that the Twat had found somewhere to crash for […]

>Oooops. Big oooops.

>Last Tuesday (15th) was our eighth anniversary, and although I did remember it because the Twat was supposed to pick up two pairs of my jeans that had been hemmed, I only mentioned the picking up of my jeans on my calendar. Not the anniversary as I thought that being the multi-tasker that I am, […]

>The Brick.

> It’s big. It’s huge. And it’s very, very annoying.

>Body parts.

>Today I asked the Twat to pick up some chicken thighs for supper seeing as he was eating at the Bavarian Representation, or somewhere, after a Press Conference. No problem, was his reply. Except. When I came home to let Herman try and escape from my garden I noticed that there were chicken breasts in […]

>That cupboard what I like.

>I mentioned my cupboards the other day and in particular one that I really like, although I shouldn’t. This cupboard has very little in it. The odd tin of something that expired about 5 or more years ago – things like that. Nothing tumbles out and attacks me, nothing starts growing in there, apart from, […]

>It’s all about being a twat.

>People that have been following this blog for a long time and those sad enough to have read the archives from the beginning will know how this blog started, and possibly, the very first post which was pretty boring, but what got the Twat to dare me to start a blog called “My Boyfriend is […]

>My Boyfriend Is A Twat.

>What does he do with his time? The man gets up far too early, then literally dives for his computer, turns it on and then makes himself a cup of coffee, comes back and does … what? I’ve no idea. None whatsoever. Not a clue. Yesterday, for example. I called him in the morning asking […]

>Some good news.

>My stomach has been feeling fine for the past two days thanks to the fantaaaaaastic peeelsa my Doctor gava me. Si, si. The Twat, whom I love dearly, is not being loved dearly at the moment. He’s being a fucking pain in the arse and only told me a couple of hours later that he’s […]

>My Chickadees…

>Am I in pain or not? That is the question. My back is as fucked as a good Pro’ would get on a Good Night. No kidding. It hurts so much that I’ve resorted to putting on my SLN* just to straighten me out when moving around, which hasn’t been a lot, I admit. For […]

>Todd, the Twat and fashion.

>I’d like to think that my son is trying set a fashion trend for the Twat but alas it isn’t working, either for the Twat or Todd. The boy goes around wearing Pierre Cardin socks, Calvin Klein underwear for all to see as he tends to wear his jeans half way down his backside, a […]