My Boyfriend Is A Twat » Tatiana

1989

Zoe — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 11:13:56 +0000

That was definitely a year to remember. I waddled around like a beached up whale, ate extremely healthy, exercised a lot and generally felt good about myself as I was due to give birth on 24 June. All I knew was that I wasn’t expecting just the one baby, but two, but had no idea whether I was to give birth to a boy and girl, two boys or two girls. Simply because I didn’t want to.

And so my partner and I had four names ready and after a lot of huffing and puffing and three hard pushes, I gave birth to a girl who was called Coralie. I loved holding my newborn child so much that my gynaecologist had to remind me that I still had another baby inside me so could I hand Coralie over to her father and get pushing again?

With one single push I gave birth to another girl – Tatiana. Both of my babies were covered in mucus and looked pretty revolting in all honesty, but they were mine, had been a part of me for nine months so naturally I thought they were beautiful.

And all this happened 21 years ago.

Happy birthday, Coralie and Tatiana!

xxx

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Spring is definitely in the air.

Zoe — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 08:55:00 +0000

The hedges are looking slightly greener, there are wild flowers growing under my hedge adding a hint of colour to the garden and the lovely early sound of lawns being mowed can be heard. I even sat outside the other day.

So why is the weather so miserable now? The heating is normally turned off by this time of the year, but the house would be far too cold were I to turn it off completely. I put Herman in his outdoor pen yesterday and he didn’t move all day. When I brought him in and put him under his lamp he still didn’t move, apart from the odd twitch verifying that he was, in fact, still alive. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if it snowed again, but then, that would be a tad extreme.

My spider bite was healing well until I accidentally knocked the scab off after my shower this morning. I am back to looking like some hag with the bubonic plague which, I’ll have you know, is the New Black.

Tatiana kindly took me shopping on Tuesday as she has her dad’s car while he is in Costa Rica, but I really feel that she should be helping me a bit more. How can she expect her mother to go out shopping in this drizzle? My hair will end up as one, massive frizz.

And that reminds me, does anybody have a decent, functioning lawnmower that I can buy second-hand? Just let me know and I’ll give you a time to deliver it. I can pay in euros, shillings or newts.

I can see daisies, you see.

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There are pros to unemployment.

Zoe — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 07:25:20 +0000

I miss Coralie terribly these days and keep calling her sister ‘Coralie’ which must be driving her batty. (Tatiana, that is, not Coralie.) So far, I have heard via Coralie’s boyfriend and father that she had arrived safely and is sharing a room with a friend. Her boyfriend added that as of yet she has no internet connection so everytime Tatiana comes home from college I ask her if she has any news or if Coralie’s FaceBook page has been updated.

So far, nada

Going to Tenerife is a good thing for Coralie, but I did think that we’d be able to communicate somehow. I wonder how many hours a day she’s working – maybe she’ll surprise me by sending me a postcard, although that really isn’t her style. We’ll see.

I do hope everybody is voting for the blogs that I mentioned further below in this year’s Bloggies and if you don’t, then I shall have no other option than to put up a photo of me squeezed into my SLN (Sexy Little Number), a sight that you really don’t want to see unless you get kicks out of white velcro, white plastic and bright yellow foam.

That was a threat, in case you didn’t get it.

And as I am a lady of intolerable leisure I have decided to go out today. I’m taking Tatiana out for lunch. Hell, it took me 2 months to save up for this and Tatiana is great company.

Those sandwiches had damn well better be good.

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