"You hear laughter breaking through, it makes you want to fart. You’re heading for a breakdown, better pull yourself apart. " - John Cooper Clarke

Tag Archives: TQOTD

TQOTD

“I’m still not talking to you, you know.” “Warn me next time – I hadn’t noticed you’d stopped, Zoe. Pffffffffffft.

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TQOTD

“Zoe, you do realise that I’m lying on my good ear so that every time you say something I have to lift my head up?” “I’ll just start shouting at you then.” “Actually, I’d like you to shut up altogether.” Some men.

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TQOTD

Last week I visited a friend. Just before serving me supper, which was supposed to be a pasta-bake, he announced: “Oh, Zoe – I forgot the pasta.” I expected soup, but it was, in fact, very good. The Twit.

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TQOTD

“Oh, look at that!” “Zoe, are you talking to me?” “No, no – just the bathroom scales.” “Oh, and what did they reply – WEIGHT?” HA HA HA. Not.

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TQOTD

Yesterday I had a cat-nap seeing as there was sweet FA to do and woke up with a huge bite on my upper lip. I am now looking for the tarantula that bit me so that I can bite it back. This morning I asked the Twat how bad it looked due to all the […]

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TQOTD

A friend visited us yesterday and turned to me at one point asking: “So you’ve been pretty abstemious then?” “Errrrr, What? What does abstemious mean?” The Twat: “No, you wouldn’t know what that meant, would you?” Pffffft.

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TQOTD

“Andy, have we got any imodium?” “I dunno, but if there’s something wrong with your botty it’s best to let it all out.” “Oh christ – how long for?” “Well now, how full of shit are you?” Said with true love. Pfffft.

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TQOTD

“Oh no, what if we don’t have a white christmas?” “It’ll just have to be another colour then.”

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