My Boyfriend Is A Twat » TQOTD

TQOTD

Zoe — Sun, 27 Jun 2010 11:02:00 +0000

“I’m still not talking to you, you know.”
“Warn me next time – I hadn’t noticed you’d stopped, Zoe.

Pffffffffffft.

TQOTD

Zoe — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 08:57:29 +0000

“Zoe, you do realise that I’m lying on my good ear so that every time you say something I have to lift my head up?”
“I’ll just start shouting at you then.”
“Actually, I’d like you to shut up altogether.”

Some men.

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TQOTD

Zoe — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 21:55:14 +0000

Last week I visited a friend. Just before serving me supper, which was supposed to be a pasta-bake, he announced:

“Oh, Zoe – I forgot the pasta.”

I expected soup, but it was, in fact, very good.

The Twit.

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TQOTD

Zoe — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 19:16:20 +0000

“Oh, look at that!”
“Zoe, are you talking to me?”
“No, no – just the bathroom scales.”
“Oh, and what did they reply – WEIGHT?”

HA HA HA.

Not.

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TQOTD

Zoe — Mon, 05 Apr 2010 07:32:15 +0000

Yesterday I had a cat-nap seeing as there was sweet FA to do and woke up with a huge bite on my upper lip. I am now looking for the tarantula that bit me so that I can bite it back.

This morning I asked the Twat how bad it looked due to all the virtual interviews I have lined up this coming week. He took a look.

“Well, you could always wear a burqa.”
“No, I am serious. I can’t go to a fucking interview with that on my lip.”
“It’s not that that I would worry about – it’s the rest of your face.”

Never.Ask.Him.For.Advice.Again.

Evah.

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TQOTD

Zoe — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 19:45:17 +0000

A friend visited us yesterday and turned to me at one point asking:

“So you’ve been pretty abstemious then?”

“Errrrr, What? What does abstemious mean?”

The Twat: “No, you wouldn’t know what that meant, would you?”

Pffffft.

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TQOTD

Zoe — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 07:11:17 +0000

“Andy, have we got any imodium?”
“I dunno, but if there’s something wrong with your botty it’s best to let it all out.”
“Oh christ – how long for?”
“Well now, how full of shit are you?”

Said with true love. Pfffft.

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TQOTD

Zoe — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 09:51:28 +0000

“Oh no, what if we don’t have a white christmas?”
“It’ll just have to be another colour then.”

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